Tag Archives: comedy

Beethoven’s Favorite Joke

Giant Salmonflies Give Me the Heebie Jeebies

Today on my trip home from an outing I was sitting at a bus stop downtown and happened to glance to my left just soon enough to notice a brownish thing flying directly toward me.  Startled I didn’t have time to react before I heard a fluttering sound like wings and felt something hit the side of my head.  I immediately shook my head and brushed my hair with my hand to dislodge whatever had just  impacted, but found nothing.  A woman sitting next to me said “Did something just hit you?”  I replied “Yeah, but I don’t know what it was.”  I turned my head and asked her if there was anything on me, but she couldn’t see anything.  “That’s weird”  I muttered.  The bus arrived a few moments later, I checked the ground around where I had been sitting, but saw nothing.  I thought to myself that it must have bounced off me and flown away; Or at least I sure hoped so.

I boarded the bus when it pulled up and took a seat.  Just as the bus began to move I again heard a fluttering noise and suddenly a large winged insect flew from my back onto the man in the seat in front of me.  Now, my gut instinct when dealing with insects is to move away from them as fast as possible, especially when they are a couple centimeters long!
I jumped out of my seat, hoping that I didn’t look crazy, and moved quickly to the rear door area.  Staring at the thing crawling on the man I started to feel guilty for not alerting him and I leaned over to warn him.  The insect then decided that it wanted to hang out on me some more and sprung suddenly in my direction.

In what I can only assume was a hilarious overreaction I flailed at the thing and swatted it rather hard into the seat facing the door not inched from a young man sitting there.  He remained completely casual and grinning slightly watched the insect crawl off the edge of the seat and onto the ground.  I grimaced and feeling the need to explain to him my reaction said “that was gross!”

I kept an eye on it for the rest of the bus ride.  It seemed to have given up on flying and crept away under the seats.  I moved away from it and sat down.  Only then did I realize that my hands were shaking and my head felt light.  Some might call it adrenaline, I think in this case it’s better dubbed the heebie jeebies.

I found a photo on the internet of the crazy big insect that tried to make friends with me only to be brutally attacked because I’m scared of bugs.  It’s called a Giant (no shit) Salmonfly.

YUCK!

Microwave Popcorn and Me

I’m ridiculous.  I know this.

I tried to make microwave popcorn…

When I was a kid I could make popcorn without burning it EVERY time. Now I couldn’t microwave it without burning it if I needed to do so to save my life.

I will eventually be killed by an angry popcorn loving homicidal maniac.

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